GEORGI THE PIORGI ARC
.RC I is the first Arc in the INFINITY FIGHTERZ series and takes place in 2008, showing the beginning of TEAM NINGEN, the origin's of each member, alongside the primary antagonists who seek to restore ASSBURGERIA to its former glory, the ASSBURGER EMPIRE. A individual who claims to be WINN's son travels from the future into the main timeline and tries to prevent WINN's inevitable death. ARC I includes the PHANTOM FORCES prologue, which focuses on the predecessors of WINN, ALEKS, DEVIN, and WAHEEB. PHANTOM FORCE PROLOGUE CHAPTER 1 - WHAT HAPPENS IN NAMEXICO September 27, 2008 5:28 PM - Las Vegas, Nevada Partly Cloudy - 97℉ WINN is seen driving in his Challenger like a fucking retard, driving across the vast flat Mohave Desert. As he reaches his arm to tune into a radio station, he hears some dogshit music. Radio: Now playing: Crazy Frog WINN: No no no! Fuck this shit! Radio: Ring ding, ding da baam~ WINN punches the dashboard angrily. The radio switches into static and shortly falls silent after. The AC proceeds to stop working as well. WINN: ...Man nothing is going right today. The radio suddenly switches to local news. Radio: -On other news... A new green fucker who proclaimed himself to be the "God of all NAMEXICANS" has begun terrorizing the strip as police do nothing but watch like the useless fucks they are. Reports say five citizens are injured and another ten have had their feelings hurt. WINN: Speak of the fuckin' devil! WINN's flip-phone begins to ring, the LCD screen displays '"ZAMASS". He hesitantly picks it up.'' WINN: I'm guessing the news isn't talking about you. ZAMASS: That's racist. But you are correct. WINN: Details. ZAMASS: Some guy is in the strip right now chucking Ki blasts and doing god knows what to the prostitutes there. WINN: That's fucking hilarious. ZAMASS: I would take this more seriously if I were you. WINN: Why are you such a pain up the ass all the time? ZAMASS: I'm here trying to prevent the city we live in from being destroyed, is that such a pain up your ass? WINN sighs. WINN: OK, fine. Is he still at the strip? ZAMASS: Yeah and now here's proclaiming the "'''New Namexican Empire". WINN: The new what now? Sounds like a fuckin' restaurant. ZAMASS: Something about how hes the last of his kind or some shit like that. WINN: Jesus, if the rest of his shitty race is dead then he won't be so hard to kill. ZAMASS: Jokes on you, you're the one that made him one of the last in the first place. WINN: What? ZAMASS: Remember that certain other ''green fuck you killed when you were a little shit? That's his father. WINN: You're telling me hes come out of daddy's little ballsack to terrorize the city? ZAMASS: You're retarded. WINN: No, you are. Literally. ZAMASS: Yes he came out of JAHEEB's "ballsack". Are you close by now? ''WINN nearly collides with a car on the other lane. WINN: Jesus fuck! Yeah, I'm almost there. ZAMASS: Good, see you there. WINN folds his phone and throws it onto the passenger seat. WINN: Why does all the bad shit happen here? CHAPTER 2 - A NEW RETARD 5:48 PM - Paradise, Nevada WINN pulls up to the strip, lights still flashing about as locals and tourists run away in panic. A loud scream is heard as a deep voice manically laughs. As WINN walks closer to the laughing, bumping against the running pedestrians and police, he sees a NAMEXICAN fuck dancing on top of a burning car. WINN: ...The fuck are you doing? The NAMEXICAN continues to Mordhau dance on-top of the car, ignoring WINN. WINN: Hey jolly green! I asked what the fuck are you doing! THE NAMEXICAN suddenly halts his dance and slowly turns his gaze towards WINN, revealing a blue cap that labels: "Please be patient, I have '''ASSBURGERS'."'' WINN: ...What the fuck? The NAMEXICAN frowns. NAMEXICAN: What do you want? WINN takes a moment to clear his throat. WINN: Your head on a platter. You're done fucking up the city pal. In an instant, the NAMEXICAN begins to screech at an extremely high pitch, to the point where WINN's ears would begin to ring. As WINN powers up, he builds a charge of ki in his fists. NAMEXICAN: It's you! Father told me about you! WINN: I'm famous now-a-days, what about it? NAMEXICAN: You're the one that killed my dad! JAHEEB! In his place as his son, I, WAHEEB, will shit on your corpse and level this shithole! WINN: JAHEEB... into WAHEEB? Who gave you your name? WAHEEB: My name is not important, what's important is what I'm about to do. I just fucking hate this world, and the humans worms feeding on its carcass! WINN: Stop or else we're gonna get copyrighted at this point! WAHEEB: Maybe that's what I want to happen! WINN: Who the fuck hurt you? WAHEEB: My dad. WINN: Figures! WINN pulls out an actual fucking gun and starts to shoot the shit out of WAHEEB, causing WAHEEB to flinch on each bullet's impact. As WINN smiles at how good his aim is, he soon realizes that the bullets have effectively done nothing as they pop out of his slimy-ass flesh. WINN: Why won't you die!? WAHEEB: Piccolo cells. WINN: ...I'm 90% sure he can't do that. WINN drops his gun and prepares to go in FISTICUFFS. As WAHEEB puts two fingers on his 4Head, he yells out a cool-ass move: WAHEEB: Masa...Masako... Masakosa... WINN: ... WAHEEB: THAT ONE! WINN: Who the fuck are you talking t- Before WINN could fininsh, WAHEEB interrupts his dialogue with a straight up rawdog level 1. WINN dodges it like an egotistical fuck and lands with grace, but is immediately bombarded with debris from the blast. As WINN pokes his head out of the rubble, he looks behind him and sees his car torn in fucking half from the beam. WINN: ... You... FUCK! That's my fucking ride! WINN screams at the top of his lungs and achieves the most generic transformation of all time: '''BANANA'.'' WINN, now blonde with a golden aura stares at WAHEEB with killing intent. WINN: Do you have any fucking idea what you've just done!? WAHEEB: What? It's just a piece of metal. WINN: No you fucking degenerate! That was my fucking car! How the fuck am I going to explain to my insurance company that my car has been ripped in half! WAHEEB: What the fuck is insurance? WINN instant transmissions in front of WAHEEB and kicks him in his NAMEXICAN nuts so hard, WAHEEB becomes airborne. WINN positions his arms for a killing beam. WINN: Kamehameha!!! As the blue wave of absolute death and rage approaches WAHEEB, he controls himself in the air just in time and tries to contain the blast. WINN: HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAHEEB: This anorexic fuck! Oh shit! WINN swims through his own KAMEHAMEHA like a retard. WINN: You're mine! Super... Doughnut! WINN: We're done here! WINN tears off a chunk of WAHEEB's stomach and blasts him away from the city. As WAHEEB disappears into the skyline Team Rocket style, WINN transforms back to his base form and realizes that his Gi was also destroyed in the process of transforming into BANANA. WINN: Fuck. WINN flies back to the strip where a crowd is cheering on his return, as WINN waves he notices ZAMASS in the back, signalling him to meet. CHAPTER 3 - ASSBURGERS DEFEATED 6:00 PM - Henderson, Nevada - ZAMASS' Cabin ZAHINN and WINN sit at the cabin porch, WINN popping open his STARFUCKS and ZAMASS brewing tea. WINN: Where the fuck were you when I was getting my car destroyed? ZAMASS: I was surveying the area to make sure no other enemies were nearby. WINN: That's a cute way of saying "staying back and watching". ZAMASS: WINN, there is so much in the background going on, you could never appreciate the details. WINN: Do you take me for some dumbass or something? ZAMASS: No, but mortals in general are intellectually inferior. WINN: Hey, your dad told you to cut that shit out with the "mortal" card. ZAMASS: Anyway, the city will remember what you did for it. WINN takes a sip of his STARFUCKS before letting out a sigh. WINN: The city will remember for a day before everyone goes back to getting drunk off their ass and gambling until their broke. ZAMASS: Such is the way, at least you're something to them you know. WINN sighs yet again. WINN: I'd talk some more but I really need to get back to my wife and kid. ZAMASS: I almost forgot about that. You are so irresponsible. You're only eighteen for christ sakes. WINN: I know, I know. But teenagers do stupid things all the time. It was the heat of the moment. ZAMASS: It was the heat of the moment to go in raw? WINN's face turns a little red. WINN: Yes... ZAMASS... It was. ZAMASS chuckes. WINN: You wouldn't understand mortal desires. It's just a feeling exclusive to us. ZAMASS: ...I see... WINN: You should feel lucky as a KAMI that you don't have any of our flaws. Aight, I'mma head out. WINN drinks the rest of his STARFUCKS and flies away. ZAMASS: Don't forget to claim that insurance! 7:00 PM - Lake Mead, Nevada - KAMEHAMEHOUSE WINN flies back onto the island without his usual car and opens the front door to the house. WINN: I'm home, Laura. A woman with long hair holding an infant in her arms quickly walks up to him. Laura: Where have you been!? And what happened to your Gi!? WINN: Don't lie to me, you saw me on the news. There must've been like five cameras rolling there. The infant begins to cry. Laura: You've got to be kidding me! It's almost our son's first birthday! Don't you want to be there when it happens? WINN pops another STARFUCKS open and drinks out of it. WINN: Listen honey, I care about BRUT and all, but don't you think saving the city is an important issue? Laura: You don't even care about both of us don't you? WINN pinches his nose in irratation. WINN: Woman, I've got shit to do that involves actual fucking human lives, I am doing something important here! Isn't that the reason why you fell in love with me in the first god damn place!? Laura: What ever happened to: "Family comes first", huh!? WINN: Jesus Christ enough with this shit! Why are you being so damn needy and selfish all the time? Whatever, at least tell me that dinner's ready. Laura turns her back towards WINN. Laura: There is no dinner! How do you expect me to cook anything when I'm half a second away from a heart attack! You're always getting yourself in near-death situations and its driving me nuts! WINN's face contorts in anger. WINN: I get now! After all we've been through you just finally don't love me for who I am anymore, don't you? Laura turns back around with a saddened expression on her face. Laura: I do still love you... It's just. I don't want you to just disappear on me one day. WINN crosses his arms and closes his eyes. WINN: Disappear...? I'm not your dad. WINN: Sorry, I just had to say that. Laura quickly hits WINN's knee with her foot. WINN: Ow! Damn, it's just a joke, woman! Laura: Yes, darling. Just like our marriage. WINN chuckles for a little moment anxiously. WINN: OK, Let's go out for dinner then. On me. Laura: It's fine, I have to take care of BRUT anyway. WINN: Are you sure? if you don't come with me, who knows what women will charm me? WINN smiles as if he was expecting his persuasion to work. Laura: Yes darling. Go have fun, alright? WINN's smile turns into a frown. WINN turns around and grabs the doorknob... WINN: ... I love you honey. WINN turns around again, but Laura was already gone. WINN opens the door and walks out. CHAPTER 4 - GREEN-MAN 7:30 PM - Paradise, Nevada - Some Random Bar in The Strip WINN is seen sitting at a bar with some other random peeps, already tipsy. '' WINN: And so when that green fucker showed up, I blasted his ass so high into space he painted the moon cherry red! ''The bartender and peeps laugh in unison. WINN: Cheers! In honor of me kicking that NAMEXICAN's ass! WINN burps shortly before raising a glass. As WINN continues his drink, screams and panicking is heard outside of the bar as eventually people clear out of the area. An telecom is played over the music. TELECOM: ALERT! GREEN ASSHOLE HAS RETURNED! I REPEAT! GREEN A- The telecom is interrupted by the doors of the bar flying off of their hinges. As the dust around the room settles, it is revealed that WAHEEB has returned. As every other nigga in the building runs for their lives or hides in cover, WINN approaches WAHEEB once more. WINN: Didn't I already send your ass to the moon? WAHEEB: Piccolo cells. WINN: Really now? Hah, It's alright! I can beat you even while- WINN burps. WINN: ...Drunk off my arse! WAHEEB: You misunderstand. I'm not here to kill you. WINN: Of course not! You're here to threaten me...! WAHEEB: No... I want you to teach me the ways of EARTH. WINN: Hoho! Then come as close as you'd- WINN: Wait, what? EARTH? Ahhhh, you wanna get stoned huh!? Luckily for you I know just the- WAHEEB: Not that type of earth. I mean earthlings. WINN: But that's no fun! WINN wraps his arm around WAHEEB's neck. WINN: Tell you what! I'll show you around town and show you how great Vegas is, does that sound good my NAMEXICAN NICKER? WINN hiccups. WAHEEB: That is acceptable. 7:45 PM - ParadIse, Nevada - Dave & Buster's WINN: Check this shit out! WAHEEB: What is this place? It's too god damn loud here. WINN: Yeah, you get used to it though! As a balloon pops near WAHEEB, he covers his ears and shakes violently. WINN: Woah, you good nigga? WAHEEB: Yes... My ears are sensitive to noise. WINN: Noted for if you ever try to kill me, I'll just megaphone your ass! Hah! WAHEEB: You don't need to worry about that. As the pair walk through the arcade, security follow closely along as they point their AR-15's at WAHEEB. WINN: Don't worry about those peeps with the guns, you're bullet proof right? WAHEEB: Mostly. WINN: Riiiight! WAHEEB and WINN stumble upon different attractions and machines. WINN: This ones the air hockey table, but its just mostly fun when you have more people. WAHEEB: Looks stupid. WINN: And that ones the one where you chuck balls into some holes! WAHEEB: Sounds stupid. WINN: You're kinda retarded. As the pair explored the arcade, they stumble across a machine with two guns holsters. WINN: Oh shit I love this one! So look at this- WINN unholsters a gun and hands it to WAHEEB. WINN: So what you do is, you shoot the little virtual guys on the screen to kill em, easy right? WAHEEB holds the gun upside down. WAHEEB: Seems simple enough. WINN: We're already getting along better than me and your father! Alright now get ready, here comes the bad guy fuckers! As virtual enemies appeared on the screen, WINN begins to shoot with his gun as WAHEEB looks at him in a confused manner. WAHEEB: What are you doing? WINN: Killing em! C'mon, shoot them already! WAHEEB charges up a SPECIAL BEAM CANNON and completely destroys the fucking machine. Security guards nearly opened fire before being halted by WINN. WINN: WOAH WOAH WOAH! What the hell was that shit? WAHEEB: What? You told me to shoot, and I did. Now the enemies are dead, right? WINN: ... WINN begins to chuckle harder than Jameson did in Spiderman 3. WINN: You're a fuckin' funny one! I like you NAMEXICAN! WINN throws out his hand. WINN: Shake it! WAHEEB looks at WINN's hand in confusion. WAHEEB: Shake...? WINN: Yeah like, a handshake! WAHEEB extends his arm in confusion, but gives WINN a proper handshake. WINN: See, you can be normal sometimes! CHAPTER 5 - GENERIC TURNING POINT OF THE ARC 8:30 PM - ParadIse, Nevada - Dave & Buster's WINN: Boom! Hahaha you're fucking killing it right now! WINN and WAHEEB are seen at a pinball machine, where WAHEEB is going absolutely tourney mode. WINN: Hit that bitch! Get the extra ball! As the ball bounces around the chassis of the machine, it collides against a label etched in the far back named "BONUS". WINN: Holy shit you actually hit it! WAHEEB: I'm gonna make Columbine look like a fucking joke! WINN: I have no idea what the hell you're saying but keep going green guy! As WAHEEB begins to vigorously flip the shit out of the machine even harder, WINN receives a phone call from ZAMASS once more. WINN reaches for his pocket with an annoyed expression on his face. WINN: Shit! Hold on, I'll be back, keep going Jolly Green! WINN flips up his phone. WINN: Yeah? ZAMASS: There's been an incident at your residence. Get there immediately. WINN: What, Laura's clogged the toilet and won't use the plunger again? ZAMASS: Why are you always so damn sarcastic? WINN: And why are you always ruining my day with your damn phone calls? WINN: Listen, I'm having a great time with a new friend here so if you could get to the point, that would be fantastic. ZAMASS: OK then, your house is absolutely surrounded by some spooky fuckboys who don't look all that friendly. WINN: ...I'll be there in a moment. As WINN hangs up and olds his phone, he glances back at WAHEEB, who is now being flooded with tickets from the pinball machine. WINN: Holy shit pal! I'd like to see the rest of those tickets come out but right now I've gotta be somewhere. WAHEEB: You're going already? WINN: Yeah, sorry about that, unexpected business. To be blunt, I already forgot your name, so could you tell it to me again? WAHEEB: ... My father gave me the name WAHEEB... But I don't know how to transcribe it in your tongue. WINN: WAHEEB is a dogshit name, so I'll call you Tory from now on, alright? Later, bitch! As WINN flies through the ceiling, WAHEEB looks back at the pinball machine, still spitting out tickets. ---- 8:40 PM - Lake Mead, Nevada - KAMEHAMEHOUSE As WINN sees his house over the horizon, he sees a glow emanating from it. The KAMEHAMEHOUSE was indeed on fire. WINN: Oh, fuck me! As WINN flies closer to his home, he is stopped by some alien negroes. WINN: Why the fuck are you alien NICKERS burning down my fuckin' house? As WINN readies himself to beat the shit out of all the goons, a ominous figure floats down in front of all the nickers and poses. WINN: ... You look like white Winnie the Pooh. Oops, there goes my vacation in China. OMINOUS FIGURE: God damn, you rude as hell gook! Don't you know who I am? WINN: You just called me rude and a gook in the same sentence. OMINOUS FIGURE: I am DAVID, the righteous ruler of the ASSBURGER EMPIRE! WINN's takes a moment to compose himself and covers his grin. WINN: ... I'm sorry, the What Empire now? DAVID: THE ASSBURGER EMPIRE! WINN: BAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WINN absolutely begins losing his shit, to the point of his stomach cramping and his PP going hard. DAVID: What's so damn funny!? We're here to make your house a base of establishment for colonizing this planet! WINN: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It's just- WINN laughs even more as DAVID frowns in anger. WINN: "ASSBURGER" EMPIRE? Why the fuck would you ever combine those two words together!? DAVID: Silence at once! I won't let you tarnish the ASSBURGER legacy! In an even bigger fit of laughter, WINN completely loses his composure. WINN: ASSBURGER legacy! Hahahahaha! Wait until I fuckin tell my wife and ZAMASS about this! Now that I think about it... WINN regains his composure and puts on a more serious posture. WINN: What did you do to the people inside the house? DAVID: People inside the house? The house is empty when we found it, and so we burned it down for renovation. WINN: Your idea of renovation is to burn things down first? Dumbasses. WINN: (If Laura and BRUT are safe... That's all that matters. I can just claim insurance for my house as well..) WINN: Now, how do you guys like your assbeatings, well-done or rare? DAVID: Look at Mr. Skeleton over here showing off his bones! Why don't you come show me the BERRY's pow- WINN: You ugly son of a bitch! WINN covers his nose, now broken into a fountain of blood. DAVID: Ironic now, isn't it? As WINN powers up and charges at DAVID, the ASSBURGER EMPIRE's men suddenly enter the fray and begin bombarding WINN with Ki blasts. WINN deflects the first dozen ki blasts but is shortly overwhelmed by more rapid barrages, smoke covering the entire sky. DAVID generates a DEATH BALL and hurls it towards the smoke. WINN: Kamehame... A bright blue light shines through the smoke. WINN: HAAAAAAAAAAAAA! As the KAMEHAMEHA propels from WINN, the area completely clears of smoke from the sheer force as WINN directs the KAMEHAMEHA through the DEATH BALL. DAVID: What? That stupid beam destroyed my planet busting move? As the ASSBURGERIAN men begin to flee, DAVID stands before the KAMEHAMEHA's full force. ---- In a blinding flash of light, DAVID was engulfed by the KAMEHAMEHA. As the light and dust settled once more, DAVID was nowhere to be seen. WINN: ...Man, I am very badass. As WINN brushes himself off and pops open a STARFUCKS, he notices WAHEEB flying towards him. WINN: WAHEEB! Oh wait, Tory! Good to see you brother! WAHEEB: The feeling is mutual. WINN: Wait, first off: What happened to the tickets? WAHEEB: The pinball machine kept on dispensing tickets for the next five minutes, so I had to leave it behind. Thirsty-ass WINN finishes the STARFUCKS in a single chug. WINN: Aw maaan, you should've stayed and waited! WAHEEB frowns. WINN: It's alright though, we can go back after this and see if the tickets are still there. WAHEEB: What happened with you? WINN: Oh, right. Some fuckers burned down my house and now I have no idea where my wife and kid are. WINN: Speaking of which... WINN turns his back and notices the other ASSBURGERIAN MEN still standing, yet now struck with fear. WINN: Well what the fuck are you all standing there for? Fight me or piss your pants, faggots! The men all run away in a hurried panic... except for one... CHAPTER 6 - ASSBURGER MENACES WINN and WAHEEB look into the air and see a single, sole ASSBURGERIAN soldier left standing, gazing at WINN with a smile. WINN: Let me guess... you're the retarded one. WAHEEB: ayo cmon bruh The ASSBURGERIAN soldier stands there, smiling... menacingly. As WINN raises an eyebrow, he grows impatient. WINN: OK, I've run out of time. Underoos! WAHEEB chucks the stupid homing orb from FIGHTERZ at the soldier. And the orb slowly hovers towards him... ... WINN: ... WAHEEB: ... Half a minute passes by and the orb is not even half-way to reaching the soldier. WINN: How fucking slow is that thing? WAHEEB: I dunno, I just thought it might come it handy one day. WINN: Fuck it, killing him myself! WINN does the pose. WINN: KAMEHAMEHA! As the wave of blue bullshit that destroyed DAVID approached the soldier, the soldier simply stood there and took the full force head-on. Kaboom nigga, the wave collides against the soldier and smoke fills the air again. WINN: That retard didn't even move out the way. WAHEEB: ayocombruh WINN: Could you stop fuckin' saying that! Wait... Hes still alive. As the smoke settles and clears away, the soldier is now standing there completely still, although now roughened up. '' WINN: Wow. Nice job, '''McDonald Hairline'! You didn't even block it or anything! As the soldier continues to stand there completely unmoved, WINN flies closer and waves his hand around his face. WINN: Helloooo? Anyone in there? WINN knocks on the soldier's head and looks back at WAHEEB with a shrug. WINN: Alright well... It looks like you're not gonna fight anyway so, I'm heading to my house now. Good luck on whatever your doing though. As WINN and WAHEEB fly towards the KAMEHAMEHOUSE, they overhear laughing behind them. WINN and WAHEEB turn around to find the soldier, who was perfectly still before, now completely baffling. WINN: Man, I am such a funny guy. WAHEEB: I don't think hes laughing at you. Suddenly, the soldier begins to do a celebratory default dance. WINN: What the fuck am I watching? WAHEEB: Yes. Even more abruptly, the soldier begins screaming out: "Hes dead! Hes fuckin' dead!" WINN: ... WAHEEB: Hmmm... "Get fucked idiot! You suck dick!" WINN: Sorry, but, what exactly are you talking about...? The soldier stops his celebration mid-way and turns his look to WINN. "Oh, excuse me my fellow BERRY NICKER, It's just that you killed that fucking kitchen appliance. The names' ALEKS." WINN: Why does everyone keep on calling me a BERRY? And wait, DAVID? Aren't you working for him? ALEKS: Working for him? I've been plotting to kill him since I entered fifth grade! That annoying cunt would always make us scrub the floors after he killed someone! WINN: First off, why wait that long to kill a man and second off, scrubbing the floors doesn't sound that bad. ALEKS: I could've killed that cunt any time I wanted to but while he was annoying but he definitely didn't warrant the death penalty yet, and do you have any idea how humiliating that an elite like me scrub the damn floors? I deserve more damn it! WINN: So basically you're a minimum wage worker. ALEKS: What the fuck is wage? Any-who, thanks for killing that faggot. I was not expecting you to pummel him in a single beam like that. WINN: What made you want to kill him though? ALEKS: He thrashed my eleventh birthday party. WINN: Yikes. ALEKS: And he also keeps screaming every fucking night while playing COD4! Do you know how annoying it is to wake up to some damn little shit screaming every night!? WINN coughs-'' WINN: BRUT! ''WINN coughs again. ALEKS: ...What? WINN: What? WINN: Wait.. Did you help them burn down my house? ALEKS: ... WINN: ALEKS: N-No, I swear! When I arrived, the house was already on fire. WINN: Alright, you're cool then. ALEKS, was it? ALEKS nods. WINN: You seem pretty alright, besides the hair. Do you have other place to crash at while your leader is dead? ALEKS: Ehm, no. And seeing how they probably think I've committed treason just now and all, I definitely can't head back to HQ anymore. His brother GEORGI will definitely be taking his place as heir. WINN: Alright, then here's a deal, if you lead me to whoever the hell is at the top of this "ASSBURGER EMPIRE" tribe bullshit, and then help me fix my burnt-ass house, I'll let you stay there for as long as you want. ALEKS thinks about it and goes hmmmm for a good moment. ALEKS: OK sure, you're pretty chill for a guy who lost his car, has marriage problems, got his house burned down and doesn't know where his family went. WINN: How the fuck do you know all of that? To be continued CHAPTER 6 - THE GREAT HEIST As WINN, WAHEEB, and ALEKS look around the burning house not giving a fuck about their dangerous surroundings, they fucking ruthlessly kill any men they find on sight. WINN: Alright, I have the heard the screams of my wife and kid, so I assume they're not here. WAHEEB: Do you hate them that much? ALEKS: Hes just joking around... Right? WINN: Of course. Of course... of course ALEKS and WAHEEB give WINN a funny look. WINN: Well, this is great. My fucking house is decked and I think they may have abducted my Laura and BRUT. ALEKS: I think I may know where they're holding them. WINN: Tell me nicker. ALEKS: So there's this one portion of HQ that basically mistreats every POW there, and as far as I know, I don't exactly enjoy the smell of rotting corpses, so I don't visit there that often. WAHEEB: Speaking of corpses, have ya'll ever tried human before? WINN and ALEKS look at WAHEEB with a weird gaze. WINN: ...Like... Eating humans...? WAHEEB: Yeah. ALEKS: Oh my god, you've eaten a human before? WAHEEB: I mean technically, from my father's memories. WINN: You inherited your father's memories? WAHEEB: Sort of? WINN: Sort of...? What? Y'know what, I won't even ask why your dad ate a fucking human in the first place. ALEKS: Oh you guys are talking about JAHEEB. WINN: The guy was a fucking creep, I had to put him down after he punched a hole in me. ALEKS: How the fuck did you survive that? WINN: I'm literally a god. ALEKS: At least tell me about how you shit on him one day, he was always enemies with my dad. WINN: Short story short, he burned all my Yuri mags. ALEKS: Your... What? WINN: One day. As the three exit their house, WINN, WAHEEB and ALEKS gather up for the first group teleport. WINN: Alright, hold on to my anything. WAHEEB reaches for WINN's crotch. WINN: You're fucking gay! On my shoulder! WAHEEB reaches for WINN's shoulder. ALEKS reaches for WINN's crotch. WINN: ALEKS reaches for WINN's other shoulder. As WINN puts his 'happy-time' fingers on his forehead, he thinks of one last thing before the INSTANT TRANSMISSION. WINN: Wait! One more thing. I don't care how long we're sticking together for, but we need a team name. ALEKS: The Avengers? WINN: That sounds like it would get me in trouble. WAHEEB: TEAM TEN? WINN: Please no. ALEKS: NINGEN SQUAD? WINN: Nooo... WAHEEB: Oedipus and the Motherfuckers? ALEKS: Hey, that's good. WINN: That's funny but ehhh... ALEKS: Oh, "Off in Church"! Because nobody beets Off in Church. WINN: Except for horny atheists. And that one hentai. WINN: How about TEAM NINGEN? WAHEEB: Lame. ALEKS: Dogshit. WINN: TEAM NINGEN it is! WINN teleports TEAM NINGEN inside of ASSBURGER HQ's prison room. ALEKS: Alright, we were droppin boys? WINN: We're already here. WAHEEB: Surrounding the trio is a dark cold-as-fuck room filled to the brim with primitive cages, two guards stand near the exit but are asleep like the sleep-deprived underpaid fucks they are. WINN glances at the sleeping guards and sighs in relief. ALEKS: How convenient. WINN: Am I right or am I left? As the trio search through the cages, WINN finds some dead orphans while ALEKS is traumatized by the smell in the room. WAHEEB eventually comes to find BRUT, who is weeping and slobbering all over GEORGI's drum set like a fucking nine-year old girl.''WAHEEB: I found BRUT! WINN: '''Say it louder!' WAHEEB: I LOVE SHIT! WINN: what ALEKS: what WAHEEB: what THE GUARDS: what? WINN: ok so WINN walks over to BRUT and cradles him with his arms. ALEKS: You're not as bad as a father as I thought you were. WINN: stfu WAHEEB: Now to find mommy... The GUARDS suddenly realize that they have intruders. THE GUARDS: OH SHIT! INTRUDERS! WINN looks at ALEKS and WAHEEB. WINN: ALEKS & WAHEEB: As TEAM NINGEN mercilessly kill every guard in the sector, ASSBURGER EMPIRE's HQ was now on full alert as sirens began to blare across the station. WINN kept looking around for his wife but to no avail. WAHEEB: I got... Ten! ALEKS: Yeah, well we all got ten, there's fucking hundreds of them! WINN: Lauraaaa! Where the fuck are you!? ALEKS: I can't keep this up for much fuckin' longer, WINN, hurry up! WINN: Laura you stupid whore! Come make me fucking dinner right this instant! WAHEEB: Jesus. BRUT begins to cry like a little bitch. WINN: Jesus and just when I thought I finally got you to be quiet. Suddenly... The sirens stop blaring and everything falls silent. ALEKS: Looks like I was too much for them alone. And then a fucking nicker suddenly busts his ass into the room, explosively. '' ''As WINN, ALEKS, and WAHEEB look on unimpressed, ALEKS begins to question: ALEKS: Great. This fucker. WINN: Is that...? ALEKS: GEORGI. Or by his full title, GEORGI THE PIORGI THE MIORGI THE TIORGI- WINN: Shut up please. WAHEEB: You're the fucker that killed my fathers' species! GEORGI: Aand? So? ALEKS: And you're also gay. So take it up your ass, you're nothing compared to your brother. GEORGI: Woow! Okay! So you're telling me you have no freedom of speech? ALEKS: ...What? GEORGI: You have no freedom of speech! You're under my rule! ALEKS: Not anymore I'm not. GEORGI: Treason! You still have no freedom of speech! WINN: What is happening? WAHEEB: Just let this happen. BRUT begins to laugh and cackle. And then he proceeds to speak out words. BRUT: H-h... WINN: Holy shit! It's happening! His first word! WAHEEB pretends to be excited by gasping and ALEKS shrugs. BRUT: H...H-h.h--hh.... WINN: Is it Honey? Because I say it to Laura all the time!? BRUT: Hentai! The entire room becomes silent. WINN begins to breakdown in tears. We don't know what type of crying he is in. ALEKS: That's just... Some shitty fucking first words. WAHEEB: Good luck, WINN. GEORGI: TEAM NINGEN look at GEORGI as ALEKS chuckles silently. GEORGI: ALEKS! You doing treason, you die! Simple! ALEKS: OK buddy. GEORGI: And WINN...! You killed my BROTHER! WINN: Yeah. GEORGI: ... ALEKS: Are we gonna duke it out or what faggot? GEORGI: GEORGI enters his JUKSA form and unlocks the true potential of ASSBURGERS. WINN: Why does it sound like hes in pain? WAHEEB: Because he is. The mask that now covers his hideous face is filled with a special pain-killing agent called 'SPACE CRACK'. WINN: You're all so fucking crazy. WINN pops open a STARFUCKS. WAHEEB: And you're going to be diabetic at this point. WINN: Naaah! ALEKS and GEORGI superdash into each other. Chapter 6. You're done.